Here at Sheik Productions ®, we recognise that OH&S goes beyond RSI and AIDS. Caring for your staff's well-being includes their mental health. To this aim, Sheik Productions ® has come out with a range of new mentally-ergonomic devices.
The DMWM* Telephone has a particularly exciting new feature. When staff are beset by a particularly beligerent client they may simply press [DMWM] beside their keypad to deliver a mild, sedating electric shock. This feature acts as a deterrent to unnecessary rudeness, and improve staff state of mind. (In countries with favourable legislation, they may press a button marked [euthanise] to deliver a firmer shock, however this is only suggested for when the client is truly asking for it. A dummy-button may be requested, as a relaxing humour item)
In other public contact areas, the Cone of Relaxation may be recommended. This is comprised of a pespex hood which descends over the entire body of the staff member when his/her heartrate rises above pre-determined danger levels. The Cone releases calming woodland aromas and soft, instrumental music to drown out the cries of nearby clients.
Along similar lines is the Disease-Free Screen. It has long been known that the presence of unwell clients reduces significantly a worker's productivity, due to stress. The solution to this problem is to separate the client and staff by means of a perspex sheet which contains a keypad, so that clients may simply key-in queries without contaminating the work environment with germs or excessive body odour. This screen may be permanent or have the ability to rise or fall at the flick of a switch. A popular variation is the permanent opaque screen - which has been known to increase productivity tenfold in public-contact areas.
These, and other useful products may be ordered from Sheik Productions ®, prices in our Full Colour Catalogue. Your feedback and suggestions are always welcome.
* DMWM indicates "Don't Mess With Me."
© Kathleen Watson, 1996.
[Insert your favourite superhero here] says: My Work Here is Done!